As someone who has written extensively about anxiety and the Internet, it seems the subject is hitting a fever pitch due to current global events. As millions now work from home and others have no work at all, how can we prepare ourselves for this new (temporary) world? How can we care for ourselves while making space to think of others? Below are some ideas (and opinions only) to help us all practice self care and lovingkindness as COVID-19 disrupts the planet.
- Put Your Oxygen Mask On First
The first rule of the self-care fight club is to put your self-care oxygen mask on first. A lot of us go overboard to help others at our own expense then wonder why we’re burned out. Remember, there are no awards for burning out your adrenal glands. For those of us with Boomers in our lives, we’re also learning that our ability to control people can often take a toll on our sanity.
Before you start your own local grocery delivery service, take a moment to ask yourself, “What do I need right now? Do I have the space to take this on while caring for myself” Analyze your current life. Are you stress eating unhealthy food? Are you drinking too much? Are you sitting around consuming social media instead of staying active? Have you forgotten how to play? There is always a way to practice self care. If you’re social distancing it can look like: googling tips on at-home self care, taking daily baths, practicing meditations, avoiding negative friends and family members (I said it), starting an online workout (I use free yoga classes that come with Prime Video and/or YouTube), finding online recovery meetings, doing yoga in your backyard or at a park, breaking out those paint supplies in the closet, finally reading those books etc.
My mother grew up in the favelas of Brazil. I remember her telling me once that her family was so poor that she had no dolls. Her solution was to put a sock over a brick and call that a doll. Heavy. While a humbling example, it goes to prove that there are always choices available for us to find joy and practice self care. It may not look how we want it to, but the choice is there.
2. “Don’t Think Thoughts That Scare You”
This was something I heard someone say to a group of folks before. It’s simple, but really mind-blowing if you sit on it. A lot of what creates stress in our lives are our thoughts about things and not the things themselves. “What if I get it?! What if they get it?! What am I going to do!!!” or “How will I survive this financially?! I’M DONE.” are natural responses, but not ultimately helpful, caring or productive. As Julia Cameron says, “Don’t believe the first think.”
Sitting around stress thinking over variables simply serves to create a vicious cycle where you’ll ultimately lower your immune system via stress. Become an active observer of your thoughts, but don’t believe their hype. Move into pivoting your thoughts and putting your subconscious in check, “Thanks for that scary thought, brain. I’ll worry about that thirty days from now. For now, how can I take actions to boost my health? I’ll go for a run.” “What contingency plan can I put in place so I can get by financially? I guess I could cut those recurring debits, I could read up on financial literacy and online jobs… hmm.” Being calm and curious while asking yourself questions that allow you to move into solution will naturally help you move from fear into a place of agency.
3. Meditate
Good news for all of you “I don’t have time to meditate” people. You have time now. Download the Insight Timer app which is free and choose some guided meditations. For beginning meditators, guided meditations are so very easy and the best way to roll. Insight Timer has a SLEW of Corona Virus anxiety meditations right now. I did a meditation this morning that focused on sending thoughts of love, light as well as wishes for global health to the world. Some pro tips: your brain will be on hyper drive while you meditate, it’s ok. You may feel tired while meditating, that’s normal. You may even start to fall asleep or rock back and forth, that’s called “pitching” and it’s also normal. If you keep it up and create a daily practice, you will feel a lot better.
4. Time Block Your Social Media / News Intake
Cut down on the Internet sucking you into a black hole by time blocking. Create a daily schedule and in that schedule, allot how much time you will spend on social media. Trust deep in your soul that if something is very important, the news will find you if you need it. Do you need to read five hours of conspiracy theory and questionable news? No. Do you feel better after you do? Also, no.
Who am I to say all that? Well, I’m a professional social media junkie, have previously worked for Twitter, Tumblr, had my own digital consultancy for years and have written / spoken extensively on the subject. Trust me when I say, you need less media / social media rather than more right now. I went a bit bananas the past few weeks and found it didn’t feel good for me, so I’ve resorted to now scheduling the time I will check social to keep myself in check.
If there are podcasts that lift you up, keep listening. If there are authors you love to follow, go read their blog instead. But do your brain a favor by reducing your media intake.
5. Keep Your Routines By Modifying Them
Can’t go to the gym? Go run around a park or hike. I’m going on my first park run today and I don’t run. Whatever. Things change.
Can’t go to the office? Take a shower and dress nice for your conference calls. Calendar your day — allotting time in the morning for meditation and intention setting, then shower, quick social check, work, lunch break, a run, etc. If your day job is freelance, time blocking will create more productive structure.
Can’t go out to eat? Learn how to make your favorite food. Did I actually buy masa and a tortilla press? Yes, yes I did. We’re making quarantine tortillas in this household y’all.
Can’t go to band practice? Teach yourself Garageband and start your solo project.
5. Try To Help Others But Accept That You Can’t Control Them
Listen, my in laws have already hit me with the, “We’re not worried about the flu” spiel. Having dealt with this before while caring for my mom when she had terminal cancer, I know when to hold ’em and I know when to fold ’em. Give people the dignity of making their own choices. Oh, I know there will be some vehement push back on this by some. The reality, in my experience, is that you only serve to ruin your own health by trying to impose your will onto someone else. Make a concerted effort, once it is clear that your help is not desired, move on. Also, get out of the drama and watch your ego. You’re not a super hero, you actually do not know what is best for everyone else and you are not in control of the situation. A loving reminder from someone who used to rule the world and failed miserably at it. I have found much more peace and tranquility in my life by going with the flow.
6. Look for the Silver Lining
Not everything is bad. There is always a silver lining. You just have to look for it. Artists are going to create more than ever, many companies are going to innovate and find ways to be more efficient digitally, more families are going to spend time together, average people are going to brainstorm new business ventures that will change their lives forever… there is always a silver lining. Look for it each day, it’s there. It could be the zooming sound of a hummingbird on a walk with your dogs. It could be learning how to be a better cook. It could be finally nailing that difficult yoga pose you wanted to get. It could be making new online friends! As recovery has gone digital, I’ve already seen folks make new friends with other sober people all over the world.
Do not feel bad for looking for the silver lining. It’s OK to feel OK in a time of crisis. It is OK to have joy in a time of crisis. It is OK to have good news in a time of crisis (btw I started a new job last week). It is OK to take time for yourself and to be kind to yourself.
It is ok.
Lastly — this piece is dedicated to the people who came before me. My Armenian grandparents who survived both the Armenian Genocide (which claimed the life of my great grandfather) and the Holocaust (they actually met in a camp) as well as my Brazilian mom who was a descendent of slavery and grew up in abject poverty. They may all be gone, but their legacy inspires me forever. I have seen the resilience of the human spirit in action in our family and am well aware I will never know suffering to the extent they have. It humbles and motivates me.- TS
